Birthday Shopping

My precious nephew turns 3 this week, so for the past few weeks I have been looking for the perfect gift to get him. This task quickly turned into an epic quest, and an epic failure, as I have come across some very questionable toys marketed for children. Here are some of the toys I found.

"Shoot Me Up Elmo"

This gem of a toy teaches your child the joys of heroin addiction and the effects of regular cocaine abuse. Comes complete with dialated pupils and drug paraphernalia.

"Franky the Hotdog Head"

This toy is not as openly offensive to societal customs as some of the other toys on this list, but there is one particulary simple thing wrong with this toy: It's incredibly stupid. Who would want a Franky the Hotdog Head toy. I mean really. Who? What's the appeal?? Franky Hotdog Henderson jumps into action and saves the day? Not so much.

"Limited Edition Dora the Explorer Aquapet"

This picture speaks volumes on its own accord. No need to say much about it. Design = FAIL. Truly terrible.





















"The...Thing"

I have no idea what this is, but that child's life is ruined.























"The Smoking Monkey"

Teach your children about the healthy practice of spending $5 a day on a pack of smokes, and the wonderful benefits of getting lung cancer and emphysema! An added benefit to your young son smoking (if you can get him addicted soon enough) is his voice will sound like he's hit puberty years before he actually does! He'll be a big hit with the ladies. He'll also be a big hit on his insurance company by age 30.























By this point, you may be asking yourselves what I did end up getting my young nephew for his birthday. A gift card to Toys-R-Us. I trust my sisters judgment. She can get him a toy. I'm done looking until closer to Christmas.